is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
