There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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