One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
