Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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