Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
