dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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