dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
