Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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