How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
