guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
