last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
