i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
