Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
3pm strippers are depressing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
