do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
