it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
