he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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