Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
