Who wears a wallet chain?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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