3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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