i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
