bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
