apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
