PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
