you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
