Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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