i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
