Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
