he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
