She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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