we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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