So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
