I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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