It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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