the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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