Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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