Im at strip club and am horny
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
