I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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