Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
