I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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