I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
