I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
