But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
