they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
