I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Im part way to drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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