:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's paper in my vomit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
