I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
