Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
