i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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