he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
