please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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