I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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