I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
